She cut everything out from her previous life that wasn’t her husband. Living in the same small town she had grown up in, but she was going places, this girl. People told her when she was younger that she would grow to be an actress or a model, with those bright eyes, translucent skin and vivid…
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Sat and watched the hills race for the harbour. And every time I touched her she’d roll over. My last five years left more to be desired. Can’t remember how to set the world on fire.
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Once upon a time
or maybe just my past life
I was vibrant.
Neon green, lavender fields.
Raves in L.A., bonfires in Georgia.
A rainbow after a monsoon.
Sun reflecting off snow.
I was a real sight to behold.
Beautiful, charismatic, youthful.
I was Bold.
Once upon a time…
I use to write, you know.
The words just flowing out.
Spilled ink across a page.
I use to dream, you know.
I dreamed you into being.
Prayed hourly for you.
And here you are, kicking and laughing.
Sometimes life is difficult.
More difficult than you think.
When I become this, or transform into that, I will know it. And you will know it as well. And we will fly from the eaves of rooftops letting our vertigo fly ahead of us in either direction. Existing for each other is not terrible-but it’s mediocre when this world could mean so much more-more than…
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I wrote you a letter today. It was really more of an apology. A long, long overdue apology. I know you don’t understand why I jumped ship after she died. I know you may never forgive me. I know I may never earn that respect and trust back. I also know I may never forgive myself for abandoning you, so you don’t really need to forgive me you can’t or won’t. I respect that. What you need to realize was that I was a kid too. Yeah, I was 18/19, but I had just started college, just moved away from you two and then the ringtone for mom started to play and I answered and she just told me to come home. She didn’t even care enough about me to tell me Mammaw had died. I had to call your dad, I had to hear about it.
I never got to say goodbye.
You two were my entire world for as long as you had been alive, and she had been my sun for even longer than that. She was, and in so many little ways still is, my foundation. She was the ground I built my life on. She was never our Mammaw, she had always been our mommy.
I remember you being a toddler and my carrying you everywhere. I remember how you loved to “fly”. I remember that your bath water had to be lukewarm and Mammaw always let you play with Barbies even though you were a boy.
I did my best and it wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry.
I have to keep reminding myself
That no matter how little I may feel
Nothing is a failure
If I learn from it
I have to keep reminding myself
That it’s okay to
Have been so sad that I didn’t go to class
It’s okay if I slipped up and called somebody
Whose number I meant to erase
It’s okay if I spend a few days in bed
So long as I get up again
I have to remind myself that
I wasn’t made to be perfect
I was made to grow
And nothing is a mistake if
I am better because of it
— I Have To Remind Myself | Lora Mathis
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Anonymous said: how do you stay so skinny? you're my thinspiration. seriously. do you work out or diet?
i use photoshop
Fuck yeah Cassie Steele.
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